illinoisairship:

I doubt I’ll ever be a vegetarian. I have to allow for the possibility, but I don’t foresee a time when I could turn down a steak taco. I love meat. I love it. I love it the way your dad loves Steely Dan. Sure, pan fried bacon with lettuce, tomato and mayo between two crisply toasted slices of sourdough bread negates any vegetarian argument I can think of, but what about the unsung heroes of meat? The drunken three a.m. biscuits and gravy? Grilled salmon? Motherfuckin’ eggs benedict?

Now, I know there are a lot of you vegetarians out there that feel differently. You don’t eat meat so you can be healthy. I understand that. You don’t eat meat because the industry is unsanitary and cruel to animals. I’ve read The Jungle. I’ve looked through a PETA brochure. I understand that too. If there were a proposition put forth demanding more humane treatment of animals before they were killed, I’d vote for it. But if I choose to not eat this steak it isn’t going to affect the company that brought it to me. Some other guy’s going to eat it instead. And FUCK THAT GUY. You want to tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to eat meat? Watch your ass. I’ve eaten cow, pig, fish, owl, kangaroo, armadillo, elk, reindeer and rattlesnake. Eventually I’ll get to human and I can’t imagine anyone who could taste better than a vegan.

Seriously, I’m gonna fuckin’ eat you.